People going through treatment for a life-threatening illness may understandably focus their attention on their problems. As a result, they may withdraw from the people and activities they normally enjoy. For example, they may stop seeing friends or lose interest in a favorite hobby. The quality of their lives may suffer.

On the other hand, pleasant, satisfying experiences help people cope with illness and treatment. Having fun makes people feel better physically and emotionally. When people regularly do things they enjoy, they keep a positive outlook on life and are less likely to become depressed. 

Helping the patient to balance his or her problems with life enjoyment is one of the most important jobs you have as a caregiver. Try to arrange as many pleasant, positive experiences as possible, even during the time spent in the hospital and clinic.

Be sure to take care of yourself as well. As a caregiver, you can also become preoccupied with your problems. You should remember to do things you enjoy, in order to maintain a positive outlook. Caregivers who think only about the needs and problems of the patient are more likely to become upset and discouraged. Renewing yourself can help you to keep caring for your loved one.

When to Get Professional Help
What if the person going through BMT feels that it is impossible for him or her to have any positive experiences? Is the patient also feeling sad and depressed? If so, then professional help is needed.

What You Can Do To Help
Here are some examples of positive experiences that can help prevent depression and maintain a good quality of life:

Enjoyable activities with other people:

• Talking about sports (etc.) with a friend
• Shopping with a friend
• Going to the movies with the family
• Calling a friend on the phone
• Playing cards with a friend
• Playing with children
• Gossiping with friends
• Going for a drive with a friend

Important activities that give a sense of accomplishment:

• Cooking a meal
• Engaging in a hobby
• Solving a crossword puzzle
• Writing a letter
• Talking to someone else who needs a friend
• Playing a musical instrument
• Writing a poem

Activities that make you feel good:

• Watching a favorite movie (funny) or TV program
• Taking a ride in a scenic area
• Listening to a favorite kind of music
• Reading a favorite magazine
• Taking a walk
• Hugging someone you love
• Eating a special food
• Saying a prayer
• Playing with a pet
• Going to a religious service
• Reading a joke book

Pay Attention to Positive Experiences

• Talk about pleasant experiences as they happen during the day. It is easy to notice and think just about unpleasant experiences when you are under stress. When this happens, it can make you and the person you care for depressed. Talking about pleasant things as they happen helps keep a balance between pleasant and unpleasant experiences.
  
• Set aside a special time each evening when you and the person with cancer talk about the good things that happened that day. Think back over the day and talk with the person with cancer about everything that was pleasant. Be sure to include all three categories: pleasant things that happened with other people, activities that gave a sense of pride and accomplishment, and activities that made you (and the person you care for) feel good.
  
• Make lists of pleasant experiences. Keep these lists and read them over from time to time to remind you about the good things in life. Sometimes it helps to think of activities that have been pleasant and enjoyable in the past. Decide what part of the activities the person going through treatment can do now. If doing the activity is not possible (such as playing a sport), is there a part he or she can still engage in? Is there a similar activity that she can do? Can he or she can talk about how to do that activity when the treatment is over?

Here are some ideas of how activities can be modified.

• Shopping with friends—Go through catalogs with a friend or shop on the Internet
• Watch son or grandson play baseball—Watch baseball on TV with son or grandson
• Going to a friend’s home to play cards—Invite friend to come play cards with you
• Spring cleaning—Clean or rearrange your room
• Mowing the lawn—Arrange with someone to mow the grass for you
• Sailing—Build a model sailboat
• Going out to hear music—Play a favorite CD
• Go visit relatives from out of town—Go through picture albums and maybe call them on the phone
• Go to the movie with a friend—Invite friend to come watch a video

Myth and Truth

Myth: "No activity is pleasant anymore."

Truth: No matter how depressed or upset someone is, there are always some activities and thoughts that are pleasant. This is true even if it is only for a short time. Notice the good things that happen each day, even if they are small. Try different activities until you find something pleasurable. Remember, if a person has seemed depressed for several weeks, they may need professional help.

Myth: "When you are sick, a lot of bad things happen and you can’t do anything about them."

Truth: There are ways to balance your positive and negative experiences.

Myth: "For a caregiver, there are so many problems to deal with that one can’t find time for pleasant activities."

Truth: Family caregivers need to keep up pleasant activities as much as the person going through treatment. Pleasant activities are especially important for people who are under stress! That is when you need them the most. If you just think about problems, you and the person you are caring for will become sad and depressed.

Myth: "As a caregiver, I feel guilty if I enjoy myself when the person I’m caring for feels sick and needs my help."

Truth: You will be a better caregiver if you are in good spirits and do things you enjoy. Scheduling pleasant experiences for yourself is part of being a good caregiver.

Don’t wait to start scheduling pleasant experiences. Begin before you or the one you are caring for becomes depressed or feels overwhelmed with problems. Ask others for ideas and be creative.

Examples of positive things that you can notice:

• Enjoyable things that happened with other people: Jerry said I looked good today; Martha went out of her way to get my medicine; the nurse was very understanding about how I felt; Tom did the dishes without complaining; Mary and I had a good talk; Bill and I talked about the old days.
• Activities that gave a sense of accomplishment: I beat Charlie at chess; I finished knitting the arm to the sweater; I cleaned out my bureau drawers; I balanced my checkbook; I walked farther than I did yesterday.
• Activities that make me feel good: I saw a robin; I enjoyed the shadows that the sun made coming through my window; I really laughed at the old Lucy show rerun; I encouraged Bill who was feeling down today.

List of Activities: What I Liked to Do and What I Can Still Do

Enjoyable Activities to Do with Others

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Activities that Give a Sense of Accomplishment

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Activities that Make Me Feel Good

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Adapted from: Houts, PS (editor), Home Care Guide For Cancer, American College of Physicians, 1994.